Everyday Is A Winding Road
by mwendyr
Summary: The path to recovery is long and winding and Eames needs to realise that she needs to start. PostEp. Chapter 4 is up!
1. Chapter 1

The title is taken from the Sheryl Crow song from her first album. This is my first ever post-ep piece of fanfiction and it's for... you guessed it - Blind Spot. I don't own Criminal Intent nor do I own the characters, the song or anything else related to the show. Please read and review, I want to know what everyone thinks. This isn't like the others that have been posted.

**Everyday Is A Winding Road**

Alexandra Eames was finally back at work, and she was annoyed. She knew it would take time for her to feel like herself, everybody was telling her the same thing and that was the thing that was annoying her the most.

Ever since she had come back to work everybody who saw her would stop and ask how she was doing. She didn't think it fair that everyone was walking on eggshells around her. Even her partner, although Alex felt she should be more understanding towards him, he had been through alot when she had been kidnapped... but she just felt that that was part of the problem. He seemed to be giving extra effort at protecting her and ensuring that she was alright. She knew it was sweet but it was also aggravating her, and it shouldn't be.

So here she was working her first case back with Robert Goren as they sat in the conference room looking over interview notes and trying to shed some light on the events that led to the crime. But as she was reading she was becoming tired, clearly the effects of getting to sleep more had altered her sleeping pattern more than she had expected. When she realised it was late she looked at her partner and gave him a small smile. "I'm going to go, get some sleep and we can look at this tomorrow." She spoke as she stood up and she waved him off as she went for her coat. He followed her and stepped near to her and smiled.

"Do you want me to drive you home?" He asked, she looked at him with annoyance, more than she had intended.

"No, thanks. I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself." She pulled her coat on and shot him a look that was supposed to finish the discussion.

"Eames, it's late.." Obviously, the look didn't work.

"Yes, it is. Obviously, that's why I'm going home." As she spoke, he started using his hands to help communicate what he was trying to say as he stuttered in response to her aggressive attitude.

"Y-you don't - don't know what..." he didn't finish but she knew what he was trying to say and that just made her angry.

"Look, I _will _be fine. I've gone home by myself many times. I'm not some kid, you don't need to look after me." She was raising her voice and she knew it, she stopped and looked at him. He looked hurt and she felt bad for him for a small moment but she was too angry to care, she turned and walked out of the squad room with such a force that no one would've dared follow her.

That force, that fury, that storm followed her all the way home. It was in her driving, it was in the way she opened and slammed her car door and her front door and it was evident in the way she threw her keys down. She flicked the switch and blinked at the light before taking her coat off, which she also threw down as opposed to neatly hanging it up like she always did.

"I take it your pissed off." A deep voice cut through the cloud of her mind and she jumped visibly at it's sound. She turned around to see Mike Logan sitting in a chair. Ironically, the chair her father favoured when he came to visit. "What happened?" She looked at him with a stern look, she was not impressed.

"What the _hell _are you doing here?"

"I came by to see you. I was in the neighborhood. Which one do you want?" He replied, standing up from the chair and facing her dead on. She didn't like the ready-for-battle stance he was taking with her.

"How did you get in?" She asked him, ignoring his comment.

"I'm a cop. How do you think I got in?" His sarcasm was unappreciated and she sighed.

"Leave." One word was all she felt she needed, she was too tired for another confrontation, she'd just had one with her partner, she didn't want one with a friend, she was afraid of what she would say. She stepped aside to ensure he had access to the door but Mike didn't move. "Did you hear me? I said 'leave'."

Mike shook his head slightly, "No can do. I came to see you." Alex pinched the bridge of her nose and realised that she may have to play it on his terms until she got him near the door.

"Why? It's late and I'm tired."

"So you're gonna sleep?" He asked, in a tone that told her he didn't believe that's what her plan was and before she could ask he explained it. "Because I noticed that you've taken up some... drinking." He pointed to her kitchen where empty bottles were and she knew it.

"You've been snooping!" She asked, incredulously and angrily.

"Hey, it's what I do." His deep voice was raised a level. "You don't usually drink do you? So I'm wondering what would make you turn to alcohol. I've got some ideas."

"How would you know that I..." She interrupted but he did the same.

"I know what alcohol does to you. Trust me, I've seen it... I've _felt_ it. You don't want that." He looked around the room and that back at her. "Alex, you've been _testy _lately, a little quick on the temper and not too friendly to alot of people including Goren." She turned away from him and picked her bag up off the floor, she didn't want to listen to what he had to say about anything. What would he know? She began unpacking it's contents, even things that really didn't need unpacking. "I guess I hit a nerve by mentioning your partner."

She turned quickly and looked at him with venom. "How dare you come in here and think that you've got me figured out and that you understand. You don't understand." She turned back to what she had been doing, not wanting to argue, not wanting him here, she wished he would disappear but when she turned back around he was still there.

"I tell you what I do understand." He spoke quietly but he looked directly at her. "I understand that you went through something that people shouldn't have to go through and by all accounts you should be dead considering who took you. I know that you know the reasons behind the attack, we all do and I know that it must eat you up that it was your partners' mentors' daughter that did that to you. That it was about him all along." She shook her head in disagreement but her face was screwed up, trying to deny something she knew to be true.

"No." She spoke clearly trying to make a point and she looked away from him.

"Oh, come on Alex, if it were me I'd be mad too that I was taken to just to get my partner out the way, just so she could have something to talk about with her Dad. You were just a pawn in her eyes and probably her fathers' too." She was shaking her head trying to hold back the tears.

"It was about him." Mike whispered to her. "It was all about him. Not about you."

"Why?" She turned to him and Mike looked at her regretfully, she hadn't been able to hold back as many tears as she would've liked. "Why are you doing this? I don't want to talk about it. I don't want anyone's help."

"I'm doing this because whether you want the help or not, you need it. Trust me, I know that you _think_ you don't want help. I've been there, done that, didn't want to speak to anyone but you've got to Alex. Don't become me, it's not who you are." He scratched his head and turned away from her for a moment and then looked back at her. "It's okay to be angry at him." She looked at him, the tears had stopped and all that was left was the storm.

"I'm not angry at him." Alex knew that Mike meant her partner. "It wasn't his fault, he didn't know they were like that, he didn't see it."

"Is that what you've been telling yourself? Is that how you've been making it better? Is that what the alcohol is for?" He looked at her, "You're right it wasn't his fault but still it was because of him that you were taken, it's okay to feel angry about it." Alex was finding it difficult to believe that this was Mike Logan, why was he trying to help her? She didn't like that he was very close to the truth, it was making her anger intensify.

She spoke with a raised voice to try to get her point across. "Shut up! You don't know anything. Please... _leave_." Mike shook his head in reply. "Please." Her voice had turned into a whisper by the end.

"I can't. I can't let you drink yourself to sleep, I can't let you do this to yourself." He was edging towards her, making her want to back away but she couldn't get herself to move. "If you weren't angry at him you wouldn't be treating him the way you have been. Losing your temper at almost everything he does, he doesn't even know." She had her hand on her face trying to stop the tears that were freely flowing, she wasn't like this and she was letting Mike see her weak side and she didn't like it. "It's okay to be mad, it's okay to be angry, what happened to you was unforgivable and you didn't deserve it. It was all about him." He whispered to her again trying to get a reaction off of her. She suddenly lashed out at him that he didn't see it coming.

"Stop it. How dare it be about him." She was hitting Mike squarely in the chest and shoulders and he was allowing her to. "Why! Why did he... why did they have to take me!" The tears were falling like the rain from a thunderstorm and Mike was just stood there, not saying a word, just letting her beat the crap out of him. "Why couldn't he see... Why me! Why! Why! Why!" she stopped hitting him and collapsed into his arms and he held her, he just held her whilst she cried. The truth had come out in her rage but now that it had he'd run out of things to say, he'd gotten the reaction he'd been going for but he didn't know how to make it better, and he probably couldn't.

He'd started the healing process but for now the rest was up to Bobby Goren, he had to talk to her and she had to talk to him.

And he also knew that he was going to be very bruised tomorrow.

_finished... or not?_

_What do you think? Should I continue? Please let me know. _


	2. The Long Road to Recovery

I've written this based on all the wonderful reviews that I received from so many wonderful and kind people. You guys are amazing and I appreciate the time and effort you took and leaving a comment for me to read. It made my day in more ways that you could actually imagine. I'm not sure about this so I do appologise for any character flaws on my part.

The alcohol is actually written in on purpose and I know that she wouldn't normally turn to it because of her Aunt, however take it from someone who doesn't touch the stuff I know that in times of absolutely need and hurt, you do.

**Everyday Is A Winding Road**

**Chapter Two: The Long Road to Recovery**

The room was dimly lit and she was sat on a chair with her head in her hands, using her elbows and knees to give her head support. The tears had long since stopped and all that could be heard was muffled breathing and the ticking of the clock. She could have made herself believe she was alone but she knew that wasn't true.

He had not left yet.

"I'm gonna make you deal here." He spoke in that deep voice that practically echoed inside the still and quiet room. Alex looked up at Mike and she shot him a look of curiosity. "I won't tell a soul about you and what happened tonight if, and I stress _if _ you speak to your partner about it."

"Just exactly what makes that a deal? Why would you tell anyone?" Her voice, barely audible, was strained from yelling and crying.

"I should tell someone, I wouldn't exactly say you're fit for active duty, would you?" Mike replied and kept his gaze on her as she slowly nodded her head and looked down at the floor. "So what do you say? Deal?" She didn't answer, she seemed to be pondering it and Mike stood up from his position opposite her and pulled up a chair next to her. She looked at him and gave him a small, sad smile and she nodded once. He nodded his agreement and then put his hand on her arm to say goodbye, he didn't really feel the need to speak.

And neither did she. She watched him leave and then put her head back in her hands and allowed the tears to fall once more as the anxiety at having to speak to Bobby Goren about it began to grip her.

---------------

Next morning she arrived to work slightly late from lack of sleep and it was evident in the way she looked and the way she had dressed. Bobby looked up from his desk as she walked into the squadroom, he took in her appearance and his worry about her grew tenfold. He was worried how she was keeping it all bottled in and that she wouldn't let him help, she was barely talking to him, which is why he was surprised when she suddenly spoke to him. "Bobby, could we please go somewhere to talk?"

Bobby nodded, stood up and followed her out of the room. They never said a word in the elevator or on the streets, the next time she spoke they were at a table drinking coffee in the nearby Cafe.. "I'm sorry." it was all she said. She just picked up her coffee and drank the whole cup.

Bobby couldn't understand what she was appologising for, she had nothing to be sorry about in his eyes. "Eames, are you alright?" Bobby asked, for what could possibly have been the hundreth time he had said it since she had returned. A waitress came by and filled up her cup. She nodded her thanks and then glared at her partner.

"No, stop asking me that. No, I'm not." Bobby was taken back by her sudden honesty, he hadn't expected it. "Look, I just wanted to say I'm sorry." She stood up. "This was a stupid idea, we should get back. Ross will be waiting for us." She started to walk out when Bobby held her arm to hold her back.

"Eames, w-whatever you want to say, please say it." She looked at his face and realised that she'd started it so she must finish it. She sat back down on the seat and sighed, heavily.

She closed her eyes for a moment and then when she opened them Bobby was still looking at her with that intense stare that he has that makes anyone just stop and explain. "I _don't _blame you. I don't. I ..." His gazed shifted towards the table and then back at her. Fresh tears were forming in her eyes as she tried to find the right words. It seemed easier when she was yelling about it. "It's just that I, well, I can't seem to..." Her head lowered and she began staring at the pattern tiles of the coffee shop.

"You're angry that you were taken because of me." He spoke softly and slowly. She quickly shot her head up from looking at the floor. She looked at him questioningly "I can tell." Of course he could, she should've known that he would've seen it before her. "I - I would be ... too." He paused and watched her as a full range of emotions fluttered across her face and he felt a strong urge to hold her. This wasn't the Alex Eames he had been partnered with, she wasn't herself right now and he also knew that something else was bothering her.

She remained silent, sitting, looking at her coffee. The coffee was going cold as she stared at it. "I don't want to be mad at you." She spoke quietly, too quiet because Bobby had to repeat the words in his head before he realised what she had said. He felt a pang of regret and it hurt, he turned away from her andhis mind began to race as her words impacted him. She was shaking her head, "I don't blame you, Bobby. I said that before and I do mean that. See, I don't ... I don't really understand who I blame and where I..." She suddenly looked up at him with a renewed sense of confidence. "This isn't me." She quickly wiped the tears from her face, the few that had fallen. "I'm sorry, I just had to tell you because I don't want this to come between our partnership or our friendship."

"Eames, it won't. Please let me help you." He wanted to plead with her as he felt her pushing away again, he didn't want her to do that but he did find it ironic that she was doing the same thing he usually does.

"I swear to God, Bobby, you had better not be suggesting a Shrink." Bobby felt grateful for the slight return of the Eames he knew. Bobby gave a small smile and nodded in response. "No." That was her reply and she looked at him with defiant eyes. "I don't want to talk about this with a stranger that barely knows me but wants to know all about me."

"I-It could help you, it could help us." He paused and then explained, "We're partners and I think we need this."

"You want to go with me?" She asked, incredulously. He didn't really reply which she figured meant that was what he had suggested. "Look, I don't want to go at all." She looked around the coffee shop, which was getting busier the more they sat there. "I know this is going to sound a little strange but I'd rather talk to you."

"That isn't really a good idea, the anger that you have is not just towards you're - you're kidnapper, it's also aimed at me and probably yourself. You need to t-talk to someone who isn't involved. They have shrinks within the NYPD..." Bobby was talking a mile-a-minute with his hands moving with his words as he spoke and Alex held up her hand to get him to stop.

"No, see, I'd rather talk to you."

"What if I took you to your counselling sessions and waited for you?" Bobby asked and Alex couldn't help but wonder if he was trying his luck or trying her patience. She definitely knew he was pulling at straws, she was never going to agree to that. "Alright, we'll talk after work tonight." He relented, he didn't really have a choice, he knew his partner and she was one of the most stubborn people he had ever met. If Bobby was honest with himself he wanted to know what was going through her mind, he wanted her to talk to him about it, he just didn't want her to know that what she had admitted hurt his feelings in a way he hadn't expected. Honestly, Bobby did blame himself and he knew she had every right to be angry at him, he should've seen it.

_Please review, let me know how it did. _


	3. A Sharp Bend In The Road

Thank you for your kind reviews. I'm sorry that it has taken a little while to update but life is full of surprises.

**Everyday Is A Winding Road**

**Chapter 3: A Sharp Bend In The Road**

It was inevitable that they would end up here, after all, she had been the one who insisted she speak to him about the issue and it's not like a coffee shop is the best place to have a private and personal conversation. So this was the reason they were now sitting on a dark coloured sofa at Bobby Goren's apartment, sat either end, as far away from each other as the sofa would allow.

This wasn't because he didn't _want _to sit near her, it was because he was feeling anxious of the looming conversation and where it would ultimately lead.

Not a sound was being made, just the rubbing of Alex's fingers on the arm of the sofa as her nerves took control of her hand and the ticking of Bobby's clock that sat atop of the TV, reminding them that time was passing by. If this really were a counselling session, she would be allowing herself to believe that she could possibly be running out of time and that once the hour was up the proverbial bell would ring and she would be saved from having to confess anything or admit feelings she didn't truly want stirring up.

Alex stopped her hand from moving and clasped it to her other hand to stop the Bobby like twitching she had started but hated. She wanted to speak and she even knew what she wanted to say but the words failed her. Again.

Bobby sighed and tried to resist the urge to speak, he knew that she needed to be the first one to say something, it didn't matter what she said and he wished she knew that because all she had to do was start. And although she had started at the coffee shop he knew that the time between that moment and this would have changed the flow somewhat - she needed to start again.

"Why am I alive?" it was barely a whisper and Bobby thought he had dreamt the words up until he turned to face and saw her tired looking face staring at him, waiting. Waiting for an answer. He went back over the words to re-form them so he could understand what she had said and he blinked.

He didn't really understand the meaning behind her question. "E-Excuse me?" He looked at her as she struggled with forming a response.

"The others... they all died." The words were whispers and she was fighting tears and she looked at him before speaking again, with a little more volume. "But I didn't. How come I survived and they didn't?"

"Be-Because you escaped, you held on and managed to free yourself." Bobby replied but even whilst he was speaking she was shaking her head.

"No." she said, simply. "The others were - were tortured and killed within one night, within hours." her anger was beginning to resurface. "What the _hell_ makes me so special that I got to live? That she took her time with me and not the others?"

Bobby didn't know exactly how to answer that, they had already gone over the fact that Jo Gage had gone for Alex, then killed Amanda, dumped Amanda off and then didn't return for Alex. How could he explain that clearer than he alread had? He knew her thoughts were irrational, creating a brick wall inside her mind whilst she was trying to deal with the feelings of the aftermath of what had happened to her. He realised that this brick wall was made up of many layers and he knew that she needed to speak to someone who was an expert. Unfortunately, she saw him as the expert and her best friend and he knew that pushing Alex in one direction meant that she was going to go the other. "You know what happened... I showed you the - the timeframe... You were resourceful and escaped from a..." he tried to search for the right words. "a _hell_ that seemed to you to be inescapable." His sentence trailed off into another uncomfortable silence that ended when Alex just shook her head and turned away from him.

"Don't you think that you - you deserved to live?" He asked her, just to break the silence. She turned sharply towards him and seemed to be angry at him.

"More so than the others? No, I don't think so." Her voice seemed dark and Bobby suddenly felt like he was loosing her all over again but this time it was to herself and the anger that she was burying herself in.

"That's because you're a good person and you care about people. That was... That is why you are a cop and that's why you think you weren't worthy of surviving but Eames it's not really about that. You escaped, it isn't anything that made them less worthy - they just didn't get the chance to escape." Bobby stood up and walked over to the other side of the room whilst he spoke.

Alex stared at him. "Please don't do that." she said, in a dangerously low voice. He looked at her with confusion. "I don't want counselling because I don't want the physco-analytic crap that they pull and I certainly don't want it from you the same way you do with suspects. I don't want you in my head." Alex pursed her lips together tightly and turned away from him trying desperately control her anger, she knew it shouldn't be directed at him and she was cursing herself for the words that she had just spoken.

Bobby didn't look at her whilst he sat down, he hadn't expected her outburst and he hadn't thought he was doing that but then he had no real way of knowing, that was just who he was. "Eames." He said just to break the silence that was looming again. "I'm sorry." She looked at him as he sat at the other end of the sofa and she eyed him carefully. "I never meant for that to happen to you. I tried... I tried to find you but Declan..."

"What about Declan?" she interrupted, still angry and not hiding it. "What did he say, huh?"

"Eames..." he tried to get a chance to explain but he watched as Alex stood up and took an aggressive stance to him.

"What about him? Cause I heard that even when you thought it was him... Heck, even when all evidence pointed to him you made excuses to save him from getting charged. I was told all about that." She standing tightly, her hands scrunched into tight fits up at her sides from the anger and tension that was building up inside her. "You were concerned about him because of who he was to - to you. Did you forget about me?" Her voice rising as Bobby stood up quickly and they stood opposite each other.

"No!" He almost shouted. "No... I - I didn't know what to think... I couldn't believe - I just couldn't believe it was him... and it wasn't."

"You didn't know that it was Jo though... you never even considered her, even when Declan was coming into question you didn't even think about her, just yourself."

"That's not fair, that's not true. You're just saying that out of... spite because what? You blame me. Well..." Alex was about to interrupt him again when Bobby held up his hand for her to stop. "You weren't there!" as soon as the words were out he regretted them. Her face was that of shock and she couldn't believe he had said that to her. He watched her face show a full range of emotions including anger, shock, fear and even a little of hate was evident, especially in the way she looked at the floor and then back at him, dead on, face-to-face and eye-to-eye.

"No, no I wasn't." She was barely audible when she spoke and the tears were starting to fall, even as she tried to stop them. "But that would be because I was kidnapped by her to get to her father _through you_." She raised her voice to a higher level than before. "It should have been you... I was never involved in it. It was never about me, it was about you, her and him. She should have taken you! That would have got his attention!" The tears were stinging her eyes as she looked at her partner with so much anger she could barely see.

"Eames, please..." Bobby felt helpless as she just spoke over him in a raised voice that was almost frightening and heart wrenching.

"Don't! I don't want to hear that you're sorry and I don't want to hear what you think or what brilliant explanation you've got for me. You know what?" She grabbed her coat and headed for the door, knocking books accidentally from the side table. "There isn't one!!" She opened the door and slammed it behind her, the shock wave that flew through the wall knocked a small picture off the wall that had been placed near to the door.

Bobby rubbed his face and stared at the closed door in shock. He had known that it was going to be bad but he hadn't expected her to blow up in the way that she had. Bobby just wasn't good at handling people that were close to him, if she had been a suspect like she had said that would never have gone that way, he could have found a way to control the situation and get to the heart of the matter but with Alex, he found that he wasn't too good at understanding her and he felt that was because she knew his capabilities and she chose not to be understood.

He looked at the picture on the floor, the glass cover smashed and the wooden frame detached at two corners and with sadness he noted that it was the one of Alex, himself and his mother at Carmel Ridge on that special day where his mother had been well and happy and Alex had been in a good mood and they were solid in their partnership and friendship - that day had been two years ago and his mother hadn't a had a day quite like it since but he and Alex had. He didn't know how to fix this and he didn't know how to fix his mother.

---------------------------

It was raining and Alex felt it suited her mood perfectly. She was sat in her car outside of her house, not wanting to venture inside. A couple of times now she had gone home to discover someone else there, first with Jo Gage and then last night with Mike Logan, although one experience was different from the other she suddenly felt an irrational fear that stopped her from entering her home. She didn't want anything bad to happen to her. What if something else was waiting for her? What if Bobby had beaten her there and was waiting for part 2? Alex shook her head and knew she was being stupid but she couldn't bring herself to get out the car.

Instead, she pulled out her cell phone and dialed a number she knew by heart. Her home number, not the home she was sat outside of but the home she grew up in. She felt herself crumble as the ringing continued in her ear and then stop just give her that dooming message - _You've reached the Eames residence, sorry we're not in right now, please leave a message and one of us will get back to you. _The voice, of course, belonged to her brother Eric simply because her parents didn't want to record their voices to some electronic gadget that any stranger could hear when they ring.

Alex slammed the cell shut and she considered going there anyway but she didn't want to be alone and if no one was answering the phone it usually meant no one was in. She threw the cell onto the dashboard and began tapping her fingers on the steering wheel and then looked back at the cell, grabbing it suddenly and she flipped it back open and gave a deep sigh as she began dialling another number, one she didn't usualy dial but one she had been given in case she needed it.

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_Please leave a review, it makes the writer in me happy and my problems seem miles away. _


	4. The Service Station

Thank you for all your reviews. For some reason I'm having trouble getting any emails from and I don't know the cause. So I hope that this actually posts.

**Everyday Is A Winding Road**

**Chapter 4: The Service Station**

So here she was. In a place she had never dared to enter. Never.

Of course, this was all starting to spin out of control for her. She didn't know how to handle it and she guessed that was why she had finally ended up here late at night, out of the blue.

"So, how did you get my number?" The woman asked, sitting in a very comfortable looking chair whilst Alex stood next to her bookshelf, looking at what she owned. That wasn't normally her thing, that was his. The thought of what she'd done to hm made her tear herself away from the books and look at the woman dead on.

"Mike Logan gave me your number." she replied, simply, she didn't want to explain why he had given the number out and apparently she didn't have to.

"Well, if Mike sent you then it must be important." Doctor Elizabeth Olivet said, motioning for her to take a seat. "He generally doesn't like physcologists."

"He didn't send me." She said, offended. Olivet held up her hands to appologise. Alex finally took the seat that was being offered to her.

"I was surprised by your call, I usually only get requests from the NYPD on behalf of the officer involved and it's usually under orders. What brings you here, Alex?" Alex suddenly felt small by the way the woman had spoken her name. She hated it when she actually felt as small as she truly was.

"He was right." she said, quietly and Olivet looked at her as she clasped her hands together and refused to give her any eye contact.

"Who was right?" Olivet asked, needing some clarification before they continued.

"Bobby was. I should never have talked to him about it. I should have just left it." She was almost whispering. "He - he wanted me to come to you first... well a shrink anyway but I ..." Alex never finished, she just sat there, looking up from her hands she began to watch Olivet who was watching her.

"It's alright, Alex, please, say what you want to say. I'm not going to judge you. Why don't you tell me what it was that you wanted to talk about with Bobby?" Olivet asked before simply waiting for Alex to respond.

Alex nodded. "Okay, well, I wanted to talk to him about what happened to me." she never offered any kind of explanation, she never clarified any more, she just shivered a little. Alex couldn't tell if she was shivering physically because she was cold or emotionally because of the battering she'd been subjected to recently.

"What happened to you?" Olivet asked, when she realised Alex was stuck in her own thoughts.

"I was... kidnapped by a - serial killer." Olivet simply nodded as Alex spluttered the words, almost spitting them, hating the awful taste the words left in her mouth. Olivet didn't react emotionally to that news, Alex figured she either heard all the time or she was trying to be professional, whichever it was annoying to her that this woman didn't seem to react either way. "She kept - She kept me tied up..."

"She?" Olivet asked, finally Alex had gotton a reaction from her.

Alex nodded. "Yes, she." Alex closed her eyes at her abruptness, she did not want to repeat what had just happened to her with Bobby. The last thing she wanted to do was storm out of the shrinks office in tears. That wouldn't do her or Bobby any good. She was here because she wanted to fix what she had done. "Jo, her name was Jo Gage. She and Bobby were friends I guess. They... had a common father figure." Olivet nodded, just letting her talk about it. "He mentored Bobby...he... they didn't know about her."

Alex looked tired and Olivet felt somewhat tired herself but she felt this was important and if she pushed Alex away or tried to get her to come back tomorrow she knew that Alex wouldn't come back at all. "That she was serial killer?" Olivet asked, and Alex nodded. "How do you feel about the fact they didn't know?"

"I..." Alex stopped and looked at her. "I don't know."

"You don't know? Okay." Olivet looked at her and smiled. "Okay, who is Bobby to you?"

Alex smiled. "My partner and best friend."

"And you're both police officers?" She asked, just for clarification and to get Alex to talk about him in a different way.

"Detectives. Major Case." Alex replied and Olivet nodded.

"What's Bobby's role in the partnership that you have?" Olivet asked, trying to get Alex to remember what she thought of Bobby and who he was, without thinking of what had happened to her for a moment.

"Uh, he's a profiler and... he understands human nature and he's very good at putting the smallest clues together. He's a great detective." Olivet smiled at how Alex spoke about her partner, she could see the respect Alex had for him.

"Okay, so now that you've reminded yourself who Bobby is to you, let me ask you again. How do you feel about the fact that Bobby didn't know?" Olivet asked, watching as emotions fluttered across Alex's face as she struggled with finding the answer.

"I guess a little hurt." she finally replied.

"Why?"

"He didn't know. He's so good at putting together evidence and he - he didn't find me."

"Who did find you?" Olivet asked her, a part of her was curious to know what had happened to her but she knew she had to wait for Alex to tell her.

Alex looked at her, tears glistening her eyes as she whispered. "No one." The pain Alex felt stabbed at her, like the shears that had smoothly moved across her skin that night in that torture chamber. She felt alone, alone and she'd made it worse by being stubborn about it.

"Would you rather someone had found you? Do you wish Bobby had found you?" Olivet asked her to get her out of her reverie, again.

Alex shook her head. "No, because he never would've found me."

"Why not?" Olivet asked, with some confusion, Alex was beginning to make a little less sense than she perhaps should.

"Because he was too focused on Declan than me." Alex's anger was slowly bubbling it's way back up to the surface. She was trying her hardest to control her sarcasm, not wanting to offend the shrink in one of the worst ways possible but she knew that if she got angry sarcastic comments would be flying out of her mouth a mile a minute.

"Declan?"

"The mentor." Alex replied, quickly. Closing her eyes, trying to control her anger.

"That makes you angry at him. Why?"

Alex stared at her, "Because Declan was accused of being the... killer and they... he ... it..." Alex stammered into a halt. "I'm not angry at him. I'm angry at myself. I guess that's the real crux here, isn't it?" Alex's anger was spilling out and she wasn't really talking to anyone in particular, Olivet just happened to be there and in her tired state, Alex was finally realising what her problem was. "Maybe a little at him, but I'm angry that I got kidnapped because I happened to be in the way... just some stupid pawn in a scheme from a girl who wanted her fathers' attention."

Alex stood up and walked over to the window, watching the rain fall outside. "I'm a cop and she managed to take me from my house, I couldn't even stop her. Bobby didn't even know it was happening."

"You escaped from her though, didn't you?" Olivet offered to try to relieve some of her anger.

"Yeah." She whispered. "But they didn't."

"They? The other victims?" Olivet reasoned that there may have been others the moment Alex had mentioned that a serial killer was involved.

Alex nodded "She was there. I heard her. Screaming. I couldn't save her. I couldn't help her." Alex didn't dare turn around as the tears fell from her eyes and stung her cheeks. "I blamed him and I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have hurt him. I didn't mean to, I didn't want to." Alex wiped her eyes and turned back to Olivet who had not moved from her seat but she did have a concerned look on her face. Alex could hear that sarcastic part of her thinking _Well yeah, now I've got a reaction_. But her sarcasm didn't calm her, it didn't help. Alex looked at the cream walls and wanted to scream. She hated Olivet's wall for some reason.

"Alex, what did you do to Bobby that hurt him?" Olivet asked, returning her attention back to her and not the wall.

"I told him it was his fault, that I blamed him. That he was only thinking of himself." Alex angrily wiped away a stray tear that was threatening to fall again. "That's not true and I know that. He probably thinks that I hate him and I don't."

"Didn't you tell me that Bobby was a profiler? A good one?" Olivet asked and Alex nodded. "He probably knows that you don't hate him. That you're just transferring your anger onto him because you have no one else to direct it towards." Alex was about to argue that there were plenty of other people to be angry towards when Olivet stopped her. "When we go through something traumatic, we feel different and we as a people don't like that so instead of allowing ourselves to express the anger at it's core we simply sit on it until we lash out at the closest person possible. In your case, that was your partner because he was the one who was closest to Jo, to Declan and to you."

Alex couldn't help but see sense in that. "What I'm going to advise you to do is go home, sleep on this. Get some rest because it is late and then tomorrow try apologising to Bobby and letting him know what you are really mad at and why." Olivet smiled. "I'm going to schedule some more sessions with you because I'm afraid Rome wasn't built in a day." Alex smiled at the gesture of a joke, she couldn't tell if this woman was usually funny or had picked up on her need for a little light relief.

--------------

Although she had been told to go home and rest, Alex had found herself sitting outside of his apartment block. She, never being one to do as she was told, really wanting to see him since she had driven all the way here without thinking but now was regretting that action simply because she was afraid of what he would say. Would he hate her for being so angry towards him? She wouldn't be able to live anymore if he told her to leave and that he hated her.

She was surprised by the knock on the window of her car, she looked up to see it was her partner, standing in his shirt and pants. She opened the car door and stepped out into the rain. "Bobby?" he didn't respond he just watched her close the door to the car. He looked different to her somehow, he looked withdrawn but he also looked guilty. She felt herself crumble when she realised that she'd convinced him that it was his fault. "I, Bobby, I came to say that I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said..." he put his hand up to stop her and she did. Feeling herself becoming increasingly soaked. Rain drops that had clung to her hair were also dripping down her face as it began to be a torrential downpour.

"Eames, I know and I'm sorry too." After he said those words, he watched her as she felt herself relax as she realised that he was okay and that he didn't hate her and that all of her irrational thinking had been for nothing. She allowed him to pull her into a hug and he held her close and she felt her tears mix with the rain as she finally felt herself begin to come to terms with what had happened to her. And so was he.

-----------------

Bobby was leaning against the SUV as he heard the door opened, he stood up straight and watched as his partner walked down the steps and gave a small nod of greeting. "How'd it go?" he asked, not wanting to push her for an answer but wanting to help her.

"Just three more sessions." She replied, not letting any details of her sessions with Olivet be revealed.

He pointed towards the car, "I can drop you off but I got a call..."

"Then let's go." She said, wanting and needing to return to work. He looked ready to protest and he was with his eyes but she stopped him. "I told her I wasn't getting any better by myself." She really wanted to convince him that she was okay now. He looked at her for a moment and than passed her the keys to the SUV, she took them and he held up his hands in defeat as he walked to the passenger side of the car.

Finally, things were starting to look better for them...

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Finished.

Please let me know what you guys thought. This one was quite hard to write, the only reference for a counselling session I've got is my own experience and I should imagine that the two were probably be different. That said, I gave it my best shot.


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